I Am Continually Amazed!
by Joan Sabbato
I was raised from birth in a Christian family. Jesus has ALWAYS been with me, even when I wasn’t the least bit interested in Him. That has proven to be an excellent way to go through life. What I’ve learned is that the fear that comes with the many new challenges I’ve encountered is never insurmountable. I’ve just ALWAYS accepted and expected to be supported by Jesus.
My life is not very different from so many others. As a child I was a “nice” girl who toed the lines set for me. But as a teenager I stretched the boundaries to do “stuff” that had never been permitted “as long as I lived in my father’s house”. First came the smoking of cigarettes and testing alcohol at every opportunity. Jesus let me make some really rotten choices but never let me go beyond redemption. That’s because of who He is, not because I’m more special than anyone else.
At age 16 I skipped school and had my first experience with sex. Jesus saw to it that I was caught by the principal of the school for bagging class and by my parents who were called and informed. When questioned by my parents for the first offense, I confessed to the additional indiscretion. Many consequences followed and at the time I felt that Jesus wasn’t doing his job!
When I was 19 and dating the man I later married, we got pregnant and decided it would screw up OUR plans to have a baby. We worked past our fear and sought out an abortion at a time when it was still illegal. It took two encounters with the man to accomplish the task. I was left with nightmares, shame, and a realization that I was damaged goods for anyone other than this man who had committed this deed with me.
Where was Jesus? Believe me, He was there every step of the way, even though His heart was breaking.
I should have died when I began to hemorrhage, but didn’t. My parents never, ever found out. I avoided Jesus for the next 15 years and acted nothing like a faithful Christian. Then Jesus gently sent messengers to me where I was at that time to lead me back home.
I am continually amazed that Jesus has always had the patience to wait for me to recognize the enormous need I have for His love and care. While I resisted Him, He continued to tap me on the shoulder when it was really important that I choose the proper path. I’m sad that I waited so long to realize that His way has always been to give me an abundant life until I join Him in my forever home.
I cannot tell you how much I love Jesus and am so grateful that I haven’t been abandoned as the unworthy person I know I really am. Thank you Jesus! I will work to put a smile on Your face for as long as you allow me to serve You.
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