I love Jesus because he is the Bedrock of My Life. The Rock of my salvation. My Assurance for tomorrow and Grace for today. My faith story is not sensational. From the very beginning I have walked with the Lord. His truth informed my big decisions in life, even when I ignored him during my day to day.
I grew up in church with a family always active in this ministry or that. Even through my parents’ rocky marriage and drawn-out divorce I knew Jesus. Both my parents and my eldest sister pointed me towards Him with my big questions and life lessons.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
While I made poor teenage decisions and grappled with depression I never lost sight of my worth in Christ. My Hope of heaven and ultimate Redemption was so rooted in my heart that I couldn’t even theoretically deny God’s existence when asked to in college. My relationship to God did not grow past this passive acceptance of Grace until my mid-twenties.
Around age 23 I found myself in the most stable relationship of my dating life. Patrick had ambition and the desire for a family of his own. His upbringing was rich with family values that I found very attractive. Starting my own family with this man seemed like the easiest and most logical thing to do. He had become my best friend we laughed together and enjoyed many of the same things. He loved and cherished me without asking me to change, but helping me to grow. In turn I loved him more than I knew was possible. However, at that time he did not share my foundation in Christ. We had been talking about marriage for a year or so, and I knew from my past experiences and my parents’ mistakes that a marriage requires both parties to pursue God relentlessly.
Graciously, through my childhood, teenage rebellion, and adult passivity God remained steady. Consistently guiding me to Himself.
Ultimately, I made the decision to return to church for my own gain. I wanted Patrick to go with me and I wanted a successful marriage. God took my selfish ambitions and taught me that He needed to be the ultimate goal of my life. Only then could my life bring Him glory. He also brought Patrick to Himself. Now, my husband is a man of faith. We chose to pursue the Lord for different reasons but neither matter anymore. The more I run towards God, the more my heart changes to resemble His. Psalm 37: 4 has become my reality. I no longer focus on becoming a good wife or a good mother because without God I can be neither. Instead, I take my anger, depression, anxiety, and fear to God. In Him I have found the ever-present stability of a loving and perfect father. He fills what I lack, freeing others around me to focus on their own lives. God has been so good to replace my own selfish desires with His good and perfect ones. As I draw closer to Him my heart resembles His more and more.
Graciously, through my childhood, teenage rebellion, and adult passivity God remained steady. Consistently guiding me to Himself. I have learned to seek Him in all things, not what I think is right but what the Lord shows me is right. In this way I continue to know my shortcomings and surrender my thoughts and actions to Him. Because He is with me, and only so, can I accomplish the work of disciple, wife, mother, and anything else He puts before me.
More Faith Stories
I’d been drinking all day long and pulled out into the path of an oncoming vehicle with a with a woman and all of her children packed into this car. They T-boned me and at that moment everything went blank.
One Sunday the music director said the handbell choir needed more members. I thought, “No, I wasn’t ready to get involved.” At the end of the service I found myself volunteering for bell choir!
One Sunday afternoon I was sitting drunk in a bar, and I’m looking around. The only ones in the bar were the bartender, some shady looking guy in the corner, my ex-boyfriend’s mom, and me. I heard this voice in my head say, “What am I doing here?”
This past year I found a black dot on my thumbnail that looked like a pencil point. Nothing much to it. Then it became an abrasion at the end of my nail. My doctor referred me to an orthopedic surgeon who found it to be malignant skin cancer.
At that point I said, “I can’t do this myself. It’s in your hands, God.” That part I remember clearly. It turns out that it was really, really was up to Him (and a good surgeon).
So when drugs and alcohol came around, it was easy for me to say “yes,” because I didn’t have anything in me saying “no” anymore. As I got more involved with drugs, I got into more crime. I started committing violent crimes, selling drugs, abusing drugs ended up back up in prison.