Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own. God uses everything. (Matthew 6:34)
I grew up in a perpetual cycle of chaos which caused me to remain in a state of high mental anxiety and to expect that nothing good would ever last long. The “other shoe” would surely drop at any moment; so experiencing a relaxed state of mind was simply not achievable until I found Jesus. I was raised in a loving, multi-dysfunctional family whose coping skills included screaming, laughter, alcoholism, drugs, depression, anxiety and deceitfulness. Please understand me; these are wonderful, caring, very loving crazy people. Our kind of normal was to become completely consumed, if not responsible for, each others’ problems. A frenzy of phone calls among one another to analyze, diagnose and solve the problem would leave me physically and mentally exhausted to the point of depression.
I grew up in a perpetual cycle of chaos which prepared me to remain in a state of high mental anxiety.
I knew there had to be a better way to live and was already searching for something when I first came to church on Easter Sunday in 1998. My husband, daughter and I continued to come to church each Sunday, yet my depression only deepened. I remember lying on the couch and crying out to Jesus to please help me find a way out. I knew I had to tell my husband that things were out of control, and that I was afraid I might be going crazy. I thought he would be shocked by this news; denial is a blissful place, folks. I finally broke down crying to him that I did not want to feel this way any longer, and that I needed professional help. My husband held me gently and said “Do whatever you need to do to get better.”
Just then the doorbell rang and the pastor of my new church was standing there. What a surprise. We both stood there staring at him as if he were a ghost. Suddenly, I threw my arms around him and yelled “I can’t believe you are here at this moment!” He sat with us and listened quietly as we shared with him my recent struggle with depression and asked him if I should seek counseling. He then stated,” Well I don’t know about that, but on Tuesday night we have a Bible study. Why don’t you come and just listen.” And so I did, and for the first few weeks I said nothing, I listened. It was during that time I was led to a wonderful counselor who gave me critical coping skills and I began to set limits with the incoming from my family. I continued to go to Bible study and slowly became an active member of the group.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.” ~Matthew 6:34
I will always remember the night I came across the passage in Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.” Imagine my excitement and, oh, the blessed relief. I really do not have to worry about tomorrow! Jesus has it covered! It dawned on me that if Jesus has tomorrow covered then he has today taken care of as well. The light bulb continued to brighten as I realized that if I can trust Jesus with tomorrow, I can trust him with everything. I can tell you from that time on my faith and love in Jesus Christ continued to grow, and I began to tell everyone I knew the exciting news about how Jesus’ love had changed my life. He had answered my cry for help and picked me up from the lowest point of my life.
The more I loved Jesus the more He revealed His love for me. I was able to recognize all the pieces he had put in place to bring me to Him. The goodness, the steadfast love of my husband, the struggle with depression, and finding my new church family were all thanks to my love of Jesus and His love for me. I love Jesus for helping me achieve a life I only imagined in my dreams. Jesus granted me freedom, and He released me from the chains of uncertainty I had been carrying my whole life. He gives me the peace that passes all understanding, and I know and feel that he is with me always.
I love Jesus for using every part of me to bring me closer to Him, for not giving up on me, and for His great, great love for me.
More Faith Stories
I’d been drinking all day long and pulled out into the path of an oncoming vehicle with a with a woman and all of her children packed into this car. They T-boned me and at that moment everything went blank.
One Sunday the music director said the handbell choir needed more members. I thought, “No, I wasn’t ready to get involved.” At the end of the service I found myself volunteering for bell choir!
One Sunday afternoon I was sitting drunk in a bar, and I’m looking around. The only ones in the bar were the bartender, some shady looking guy in the corner, my ex-boyfriend’s mom, and me. I heard this voice in my head say, “What am I doing here?”
This past year I found a black dot on my thumbnail that looked like a pencil point. Nothing much to it. Then it became an abrasion at the end of my nail. My doctor referred me to an orthopedic surgeon who found it to be malignant skin cancer.
At that point I said, “I can’t do this myself. It’s in your hands, God.” That part I remember clearly. It turns out that it was really, really was up to Him (and a good surgeon).
So when drugs and alcohol came around, it was easy for me to say “yes,” because I didn’t have anything in me saying “no” anymore. As I got more involved with drugs, I got into more crime. I started committing violent crimes, selling drugs, abusing drugs ended up back up in prison.